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THIRTY COPIES OF HYACINTH HAL- 
VEY A COMEDY WRITTEN BY LADY 
GREGORY WERE PRINTED FOR JOHN 
QUINN IN NEW YORK CITY IN THE 
YEAR NINETEEN HUNDRED AND SIX. 
THIS COPY IS NUMBER 



HYACINTH HALVEY 

A COMEDY 

By lady GREGORY 



Printed for John Quinn 
New York 1906 



UBRARYofOONQRESS 
Tw9 eoptes Received 
DEC 81 1906 
pyrif ht Entry . 

^ 4^ XxZno. 

/ COPY B. 



Copyright, 1906, 
By Lady Gregory 



All Rights Reserved 



^:^- 



^ 



HYACINTH HALVEY 

A COMEDY 

By lady GREGORY 



PERSONS 

Hyacinth Hai^vey 
James Quirke 
Fardy Farreli. 
Sergeant Garden 
Mrs. Delane 
Miss Joyce 

Scene: Outside the Post Office at the little 
town of Cloon, The Square at Cloon. Mrs. 
Delane at Post Office door. Mr, Quirke sitting 
at butcher's door, Fardy Farrell playing 
'Johnny, I hardly knew you' on a mouth organ. 
Train zvhistle heard. 



Mrs. DeIvANE. There is the four o'clock train, 
Mr. Quirke. 

Mr. Quirke. Is it now, Mrs. Delane, and I 
not long after rising. It makes a man drowsy to 
be doing the half of his work in the night time. 
That Army contract gives me a great deal to at- 
tend to. 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. I suppose so. It's hard enough 
on myself to be down ready for the mail car in 
the morning, sorting letters in the half dark. It's 
often I haven't time to look who are the letters 
from — or the cards. 

Mr. Quirke. It would be a pity you not to 
know any little news might be knocking about. 
If you did not have information of what is going 
on who should have it. Was it you, ma'am, was 
telling me that the new Sub-sanitary Inspector 
would be arriving to-day? 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. To-day it is he is coming, and 
it's likely he was in that train. There was a card 
about him to Sergeant Garden this morning. 

Mr. Quirke. A young chap from Carrow, 
they were saying he was. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. So he is, one Hyacinth Halvey, 
and indeed if all that is said of him is true, or 
if a quarter of it is true, he will be a credit to 
this town. 



Mr. QuiRKE. Is that so? 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. Testimonials he has by the 
score. To Father Gregan they were sent. Reg- 
istered they were coming and going. Would you 
believe me telling you that they weighed up to 
three pounds ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. There must be great bulk in 
them, indeed. 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. It is no wonder he to get the 
job. He must have a great character, so many 
persons to write for him as what there did. 

Fardy. It would be a great thing to have a 
character like that. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Indeed, I am thinking it will be 
long before you will get the like of it, Fardy 
Farrell. 

Fardy. If I had the like of that of a character, 
it is not here carrying messages I would be. It's 
in Noonan's Hotel I would be driving cars. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Here is the priest's housekeeper 
coming. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. So she is. And there is the 
Sergeant a little while after her. 
(Enter Miss Joyce.) 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Good morrow to you, Miss 
Joyce. What way is his reverence to-day? Did 
he get any ease from the cough ? 



Miss Joyce. He did not indeed, Mrs. Delane. 
He has it sticking to him yet. Smothering he 
is in the night time. The most thing he comes 
short in is the voice. 

Mrs. Delane. I am sorry now to hear that. 
He should mind himself well. 

Miss Joyce. It's easy to say let him mind him- 
self. What do you say to him going to the meet- 
ing to-night? (Sergeant Garden comes in.) It's 
for his reverence's 'Freeman' I am come, Mrs. 
Delane. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Here it is ready. I was just 
throwing an eye on it to see was there any news. 
Good evening, Sergeant. 

Sergeant (holding up a placard), 1 brought 
this notice, Mrs. Delane, the announcement of 
the meeting to be held to-night in the court- 
house. You might put it up here convenient to 
the window. I hope you are coming to it your- 
self, and you, Mr. Quirke. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. I will come and welcome. I 
would do more than that for you. 

Mr. Quirke. I'll come, to be sure. I forget 
what's this the meeting is about. 

Sergeant. The Department of Agriculture is 
sending round a lecturer in furtherance of the 
moral development of the rural classes. 



(Reads) 'A lecture will be given this evening 
in Cloon Courthouse, illustrated by magic lan- 
tern slides' — those will not be in it; I am in- 
formed they were all broken in the first journey, 
the railway company taking them to be eggs. 
'The subject of the lecture is the Building of 
Character.' 

Mrs. DeI/ANe:. Very nice, indeed. I knew a 
girl lost her character and she washed her feet 
in a blessed well after and it dried up on the 
minute. 

Sergeant. The arrangements have all been 
left to me, the Archdeacon being away. He 
knows I have a good intellect for things of the 
sort. But the loss of those slides puts a man 
out .... The thing people will not see it is not 
likely it is the thing they will believe .... I saw 
what they call tableaux — standing pictures, you 
know, one time in Dundrum. 

Mrs. DEiyANE. Miss Joyce was saying Father 
Gregan is supporting you. 

Sergeant. So he is, too. No bigotry about 
me when there is a question of the welfare of my 
fellow creatures. Orange and Green will stand 
together to-night. I myself and the station mas- 
ter on the one side; your parish priest in the 
chair. 

7 



Miss Joyce, If his reverence would mind me, 
he would not quit the house to-night. He is no 
more fit to go speak at a meeting than (pointing 
to one) that sheep. 

Si^RGE^ANT. I will mind him well. He will 
have no speaking to do at all, unless it might be 
to bid them give the lecturer a hearing. The 
loss of those slides now is a great weight upon 
me — and no time for anything. The lecturer 
will be coming by the next train. 

Miss JoYCi^. Who is this coming up the street, 
Mrs. Delane? 

Mrs. DlXANE. I wouldn't doubt it to be the 
new Sub-sanitary Inspector. Was I telling you 
of the weight of the testimonials he got, Miss 
Joyce ? 

Miss Joyce. Sure I heard the curate reading 
them to his reverence. He must be a wonder for 
principles. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Indeed, it is what I was saying 
to myself, he must be a very saintly young man. 
{Enter Hyacinth Halvey, He carries a small 
bag and a large brown paper parcel He stops 
and nods bashfully.) 

Hyacinth Hai^vey. Good evening to you — I 
was bid to come to the post office 

8 



S^RGE^ANT. I suppose you are Hyacinth Hal- 
vey I had a letter about from the Resident 
Magistrate. 

Hyacinth. I heard he was writing. It was 
my mother got a friend he deals with to ask him. 

Se^RGEant. He gives you a very high char- 
acter. 

Hyacinth. It is very kind of him, indeed, and 
he not knowing me at all. But, indeed, all the 
neighbors were very friendly. Anything any- 
one could do to help me they did it. 

Mrs. Dexane. I'll engage it is the testimonials 
you have in your parcel. I know the wrapping 
paper — but they grew in bulk since I handled 
them. 

Hyacinth. Indeed, I was getting them to the 
last. There was not one refused me. It is 
what my mother was saying, a good character is 
no burden. 

Fardy. I would believe that, indeed. 

Sergeant. Let us have a look at the testi- 
monials. {Hyacinth Halvey opens parcel and 
large number of envelopes fall out.) 

Sergeant {opening and reading one by one), 
*He possesses the unblemished character that is 
peculiar to our ancient and unparalleled 
people ' ;^^^^^^ 

9 



Hyacinth. It was the Chairman of the Poor 
Law Guardians wrote that. 

Sergeant. 'A magnificent example to old and 
young' 

Hyacinth. That was the Secretary of the De 
Wet Hurling Club 

Sergeant. 'A shining example of the value 
conferred by an eminently careful and high class 
education' 

Hyacinth. That was the National School- 
master. 

Sergeant. 'Devoted to the highest ideals of 
his Mother-land to such an extent as is com- 
patible with a hitherto non-parliamentary 
career' 

Hyacinth. That was the Member for Carrow. 

Sergeant. 'A splendid exponent of the purity 
of the race' 

Hyacinth. The Editor of the Carrow Cham- 
pion, 

Sergeant. 'Admirably adapted for the effi- 
cient discharge of all possible duties that may in 
the future be laid upon him' 

Hyacinth. The new Stationmaster. 

Sergeant. 'A champion of every cause that 
can legitimately benefit his fellow-creatures' 

10 



Why, look here, my man, you are the very one 
to come to our assistance to-night. 

Hyacinth. I would be glad to do that. What 
way can I do it ? 

Sergeant. You are a newcomer — your exam- 
ple would carry weight — ^you must stand up as 
a living proof of the beneficial effect of a high 
character, moral fibre, temperance — there is 

something about it here I am sure (Looks) 

I am sure I saw 'unparalleled temperance' in 
some place 

Hyacinth. It was my mother's cousin wrote 
that — I am no drinker, but I haven't the pledge 
taken 

Sergeant. You might take it for the pur- 
pose 

Mr. QuiRKE (eagerly). Here is an anti-treat- 
ing button. I was made a present of it by one 
of my customers — I'll give it to you (sticks it in 
Hyacinth's coat) and welcome. 

Sergeant. That is it. You can wear the but- 
ton on the platform — or a bit of blue ribbon — 
hundreds will follow your example — I know the 
boys from the Orphanage will 

Hyacinth. I am in no way wishful to be an 
example 

II 



Sergeant. I will read extracts from the testi- 
monials. 'There is/ I will say, 'an example of 
one in early life who by his own unaided efforts 
and his high character has obtained a profitable 
situation.' (Slaps his side,) I know what FU 
do. ril engage a few corner-boys from Noonan's 
bar, just as they are, greasy and sodden, to stand 
in a group — there will be the contrast. That's 
the way to do a tableau — I knew I could turn out 
a success. 

Hyacinth, I wouldn't like to be a con- 
trast 

Sergeant. I will go now and engage those 
lads — sixpence each and well worth it. Nothing 
like an example for the rural classes. (Goes off, 
Hyacinth feebly trying to detain him.) 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. a very nice man, indeed. A 
little high up in himself, may be. Fm not one 
that blames the police. Sure they have their own 
bread to earn like every other one. And indeed 
it is often they will let a thing pass. 

Mr. QuiRKE (gloomily) , Sometimes they will, 
and more times they will not. 

Miss Joyce. And where will you be finding a 
lodging, Mr. Halvey? 

Hyacinth. I was going to ask that myself, 
ma'am. I don't know the town. 

12 



Miss Joyce. I know of a good lodging but it 
is only a very good man would be taken into it. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Sure there could be no objec- 
tion there to Mr. Halvey. There is no appear- 
ance on him but what is good, and the Sergeant 
after taking him up the way he is doing. 

Miss Joyce. You will be near to the Sergeant 
in the lodging I speak of. The house is con- 
venient to the barracks. 

Hyacinth {douhtfiilly) . To the barracks? 

Miss Joyce. Alongside of it and the barrack 
yard behind. And that's not all. It is opposite 
to the priest's house. 

Hyacinth. Opposite is it? 

Miss Joyce. A very respectable place, indeed, 
and a very clear room you will get. I know it 
well. The curate can see into it from his window. 

Hyacinth. Can he now? 

Fardy. There was a good many, I am think- 
ing, went into that lodging and left it after. 

Miss Joyce {sharply). It is a lodging you will 
never be let into or let stop in, Fardy. If they 
did go they were a good riddance. 

Fardy. John Hart, the plumber, left it 

Miss Joyce. If he did it was because he dared 
not pass the police coming in as he used with a 
rabbit he was after snaring, in his hand. 

13 



Fardy. The schcMDlmaster himself left it. 

Miss Joyce. He needn't have left it if he 
hadn't taken to card playing. What way could 
you say your prayers and shadows shuffling and 
dealing before you on the blind ? 

Hyacinth. I think maybe Fd best look 
around a bit before I'll settle in a lodging 

Miss Joyce. Not at all. You won't be wanting 
to pull down the blind. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. It is not likely you will be snar- 
ing rabbits. 

Miss Joyce. Or bringing in a bottle and taking 
an odd glass the way James Kelly did. 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. Or writing threatening notices, 
and the police taking a view of you from the 
rear. 

Miss Joyce. Or going to roadside dances, or 
running after good-for-nothing young girls , 

Hyacinth. I give you my word I'm not so lta^uu^^4^ 
.^ood as you think. 

Mrs. DelanE. Would you be putting a lie on 
these, Mr. Halvey (touching testimonials) ? I 
know very well the way you will be spending the 
evenings, writing letters to your relations 

Miss Joyce. Learning O'Growney's exer- 
cises 

14 



m 



Mrs. DeIvANE. Sticking post cards in an album 
for the convent bazaar. 

Miss Joyce. Reading the Catholic Times 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Playing the melodies on a me- 
lodeon 

Miss Joyce. Looking at the pictures in the 
lives of the Saints. Til hurry on and engage the 
room for you. 

Hyacinth. Wait. Wait a minute 

Miss Joyce. No trouble at all. I told you it 
was just opposite. (Goes out.) 

Mr. QuiRKE. I suppose I must go upstairs 
and ready myself for the meeting. If it wasn't 
for the contract I have for the Shannonfort sol- 
diers' barracks and the Sergeant's good word, I 
wouldn't go anear it. (Goes out.) 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I should be making myself 
ready, too. I must be in good time to see you 
being made an example of, Mr. Halvey. It is 
I myself was the first to say it, you will be a 
credit to the town. (Goes out.) 

Hyacinth (sitting down in a tone of agony), 
I wish I had never seen Cloon. 

Fardy. What is on you? 

Hyacinth. I wish I had never left Carrow. 

Fardy. What is it ails you? 

15 



Hyacinth. I wouldn't for the best pound ever 
I had be in this place to-day. 

Fardy. I don't know what you are talking 
about. 

Hyacinth. To have left Carrow, if it was a 
poor place, where I had my comrades — and an 
odd spree, and a game of cards, and a coursing 
match coming on and I promised a new grey- 
hound from the City of Cork. 

Fardy. Were you now? 

Hyacinth. Will you tell me, I ask you, what 
way can I undo it ? 

Fardy. What is it you are wanting to undo ? 

Hyacinth. Will you tell me what way can I 
get rid of my character ? 

Fardy. To get rid of it, is it? 

Hyacinth. That is what I said. Aren't you 
after hearing the great character they are after 
putting on me ? 

Fardy. That is a good thing to have. 

Hyacinth. It is not. It's the worst in the 
world. If I hadn't it, I wouldn't be like a prize 
mangold at a show with every person praising 
me. 

Fardy. If I had it, I wouldn't be like a head in 
a barrel with every person making hits at me. 

i6 



Hyacinth. If I hadn't it, I wouldn't be shoved 
into a room with all the clergy watching me and 
the police in the back yard 

Fardy. If I had it I wouldn't be but message- 
carrier now and a clapper scaring birds in the 
summer time. 

Hyacinth. If I hadn't it, I wouldn't be wear- 
ing this button and brought up for an example 
at the meeting. 

Fardy (whistles). Maybe you're not, so, what 
those papers make you out to be. 

Hyacinth. How would I be what they make 
me out to be ? Was there ever any person of that 
sort since the world was a world unless it might 
be Saint Antony in the chapel with the Holy 
Child on his arm. If it is like that I was isn't it 
in Mount Mellary I would be or with the Friars 
at Esker? Why would I be living in the world 
at all or doing the world's work ? 

Fardy (taking ^tp parcel). Who would think 
now there would be so much lies in a small place 
like Carrow? 

Hyacinth. It was my mother's cousin did it. 
He said I was not fit for laboring — he gave me 
a new suit and bid me never to come back again. 
I daren't go back to face him — the neighbors 

17 



knew my mother had a long family — ^bad luck to 
them the day they gave me these. (Tears them 
and scatters them.) I'm done with testimonials. 
They won't be here to bear witness against me. 

Fardy. The Sergeant thought them to be 
great. They will be stuck in his memory. 
There's not one in the town but will know before 
morning that you are the next thing to an 
earthly saint. 

Hyacinth {stamping), I'll stop their mouths. 
ril show them I can be a terror for badness. I'll 
do some injury. I'll commit some crime. The 
first thing I'll do I'll go and get drunk. If I 
never did it before I'll do it now. I'll get drunk 
— then I'll make an assault 

Fardy. If you get drunk you are done for. 
Sure that will be held an excuse after for any 
breaking of the law. 

Hyacinth. I will break the law. Drunk or 
sober I'll break it. I'll do something that will 
have no excuse. What would you say is the 
worst crime that any man can do ? 

Fardy. I dunno. I heard the Sergeant saying 
one time it was to obstruct the police in the dis- 
charge of their duty 

Hyacinth. That won't do. It's a patriot I 

i8 



would be then, worse than before, and my picture 
in the weeklies. It's a red crime I must commit 
that will make all respectable people quit mind- 
ing me. What can I do? Search your mind 
now. 

Fardy. It's what I heard the old people say- 
ing there could be no worse crime than to steal 
a sheep 

Hyacinth. Tl steal a sheep — or a cow — or a 
horse — if that will leave me the way I was before. 

Fardy. It's maybe in jail it will leave you. 

Hyacinth. I don't care — I'll confess — I'll tell 
why I did it — I give you my word I would as 
soon be picking oakum or stone breaking as to be 
perched in the daylight the same as that bird, and 
all the town chirruping to me or bidding me chir- 
rup 

Fardy. There is reason in that now. 

Hyacinth. Help me, will you? 

Fardy. Well, if it is to steal a sheep you want, 
you haven't far to go. 

Hyacinth (looking round wildly). Where is 
it ? I see no sheep. 

Fardy. Look around you. 

Hyacinth. I see no living thing but that 
thrush 



19 



Fardy. Did I say it was living ? What is that 
hanging on Quirke's rack? 

Hyacinth. It's (-fingers it) a sheep, sure 
enough 

Fardy. Well, what ails you that you can't 
bring it away? 

Hyacinth. It's a dead one. 

Fardy. What matter if it is? 

Hyacinth. If it was living I could drive it 
before me 

Fardy. You could. Is it to your own lodging 
you would drive it ? Sure, everyone would take 
it to be a pet you brought from Carrow. 

Hyacinth. I suppose they might. 

Fardy. Miss Joyce sending in for news of it 
and it bleating behind the bed. 

Hyacinth (distracted). Stop! Stop! 

Mrs. DeIvANE (from window). Fardy! Are 
you there, Fardy Farrell? 

Fardy. I am, ma'am. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE (from window). Look and tell 
me is that the telegraph I hear ticking. 

Fardy (looking in at door). It is, ma'am. 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. Then botheration to it, and I 
not dressed or undressed. Wouldn't you say 
now it's to annoy me it is calling me down. Fm 
coming! Fm coming! (Disappears.) 
20 



Fardy. Hurry on now! Hurry! She'll be 
coming out on you. If you are going to do it, 
do it, and if you are not, let it alone. 

Hyacinth. Til do it! Til do it! 

Fardy (lifting the sheep on his back). I'll 
give you a hand with it. 

Hyacinth (goes a step or two and turns 
round). You told me no place where I could 
hide it. 

Fardy. You needn't go far. ^ There is the 
Protestant Church at the side of the Square. Go 
round to the ditch behind the wall — there's net- 
tles in it. 

Hyacinth. That'll do. 

Fardy. She's coming out — run! run! 

Hyacinth (runs a step or two). It's slipping! 

Fardy. Hoist it up! I'll give it a hoist! 
(Hyacinth runs out.) 

Mrs. DeIvANE (calling out). What are you 
doing, Fardy Farrell? Is it idling you are? 

Fardy. Waiting I am, ma'am, for the mess- 
age 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Never mind the message, yet. 
Who said it was ready? (Going to door.) Go 
ask for the loan of — no, but ask news of . . . .Here, 



21 



now, go bring that bag of Mr. Halvey's to the 
lodging Miss Joyce has taken 

Fardy. I will, ma'am. (Takes bag and goes 
out.) 

Mrs. DeIvANE (coming out with a telegram in 
her hand). Nobody here? (Looks round, calls 
cautiously,) Mr. Quirke! James Quirke! 

Mr. Quirke (looking out of window with 
soapsuddy face). What is it, Mrs. Delane? 

Mrs. Delane (beckoning). Come down here 
till I tell you. 

Mr. Quirke. I cannot do that. I'm not fully 
shaved. 

Mrs. Delane. You'd come if you knew the 
news I have. 

Mr. Quirke. Tell it to me now. I'm not so 
supple as I was. 

Mrs. Delane. Whisper now, have you an 
enemy in any place ? 

Mr. Quirke. It's likely I may have. A man 
in business 

Mrs. Delane. I was thinking you had one, 

Mr. Quirke. Why would you think that at 
this time more than any other time ? 

Mrs. Delane. If you could know what is in 
this envelope you would know that, James 
Quirke. 

22 



Mr. QuiRKE. Is that so? And what now is 
there in it? 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Who do you think now is it 
addressed to? 

Mr. QuiRKE. How would I know that, and I 
not seeing it? 

Mrs. Dei^anE. That is true. Well, it is a mess- 
age from Dublin Castle to the Sergeant of Police I 

Mr. Quirke. To Sergeant Garden, is it ? 

Mrs. DEiyANE. It is. And it concerns yourself. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Myself, is it? What accusa- 
tion can they be bringing against me. I'm a 
peaceable man. 

Mrs. DEiyANE. Wait till you hear. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Maybe they think I was in that 
moonlighting case 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. That is not it 



Mr. QuiRKE. I was not in it — I was but in 
the neighboring field — cutting up a dead cow, 
that those never had a hand in 

Mrs. Dei.ane. You're out of it 



Mr. QuiRKE. They had their faces blackened. 
There is no man can say I recognized them. 

Mrs. DeIvANE, That's not what they're say- 
ing 



23 



Mr. Quirked. I'll swear I did not hear their 
voices or know them if I did hear them. 

Mrs. D^ANi:. I tell you it has nothing to do 
with that. It might be better for you if it had. 

Mr. Quirke:. What, is it so? 

Mrs. De^IvANE. It is an order to the Sergeant 
bidding him immediately to seize all suspicious 
meat in your house. There is an officer coming 
down. There are complaints from the Shannon- 
fort Barracks. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I'll engage it was that pork. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. What ailed it for them to find 
fault? 

Mr. QuiRKE. People are so hard to please 
now-a-days, and I recommended them to salt it. 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. They had a right to have 
minded your advice. 

Mr. QuiRKE. There was nothing on that pig 
at all but that it went mad on poor O 'Grady that 
owned it. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. So I heard, and went killing all 
before it. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Sure, it's only in the brain mad- 
ness can be. I heard the doctor saying that. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. He should know. 

24 



Mr. QuiRKE. I give you my word I cut the 
head off it. I went to the loss of it, throwing it 
to the eels in the river. If they had salted the 
meat as I advised them, what harm would it have 
done to any person on earth? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I hope no harm will come on 
poor Mrs. Quirke and the family. 

Mr. Quirke. Maybe it wasn't that but some 
other thing. (Enter Fardy.) 

Mrs. DeI/ANE. Here is Fardy. I must send 
the message to the Sergeant. Well, Mr. Quirke, 
I'm glad I had the time to give you a warning. 

Mr. Quirke. I'm obliged to you, indeed. You 
were always very neighborly, Mrs. Delane. 
Don't be too quick now sending the message. 
There is just one article I would like to put away 
out of the house before the Sergeant will come. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Here, now, Fardy — that's not 
the way you're going to the barracks — anyone 
would think you were scaring birds yet. Put on 
your uniform. (Fardy goes into office.) You 
have this message to bring to the Sergeant of 
Police. Get your cap now — it's under the coun- 
ter. (Fardy reappears and she gives him tele- 
gram. ) 

Fardy. I'll bring it to the station. It's there 
he was going. 

25 



Mrs. De^IvAN^. You will not, but to the bar- 
racks. It can wait for him there. (Fardy goes 
off. Mr. Quirke has appeared at door.) 

Mr. Quirked. It was indeed a very neighborly- 
act, Mrs. Delane, and Fm obliged to you. There 
is just one article to put out of the way, the 
Sergeant may look about him then and welcome. 
It's well I cleared the premises on yesterday — 2l 
consignment to Birmingham I sent. The Lord 
be praised ! isn't England a terrible country with 
all it consumes. 

Mrs. De^IvANe:. Indeed, you always treat the 
neighbors very decent, Mr. Quirke, not asking 
them to buy from you. 

Mr. Quirke. Just one article. (Turns to 
rack.) That sheep I brought in last night~it 
was for a charity, indeed, I bought it from the 
widow woman at Killiter Cross. WtePe^'^Sew^ 

Mrs. DeIvANE. You are a great helper of the 
poor indeed. 

Mr. Quirke. I am that. Where would they 
make a profit out of their dead meat without me 
— well, now, I could have swore that sheep was 
hanging there on the rack when I went in 

Mrs. Delane. You must have put it in some 
other place. 

26 



Mr. Quirks: (going in and searching and com- 
ing out), I did not — there is no other place for 
me to put it — is it gone blind I am or is it not in 
it it is ? 

Mrs. Deplane. It's not there now, anyway. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Didn't you take notice of it there 
yourself this morning? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I have it in my mind that I 
did. But it's not there now. 

Mr. Q'uiRKE. There was no one here could 
bring it away? 

Mrs. Delane. Is it me myself you suspect of 
taking it, James Quirke? 

Mr. QuiRKE. Where is it at all? It is certain 
it was not of itself it walked away. It was dead, 
and very dead, the time I bought it. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I have a pleasant neighbor, in- 
deed, that accuses me that I took his sheep. I 
wonder, indeed, you to say a thing like that! I 
to steal your sheep or your rack or anything that 
belongs to you or to your trade! Thank you, 
James Quirke. I am much obliged to you, in- 
deed. 

Mr. Quirke. Ah, be quiet, woman, be 
quiet 

Mrs. DeIvANE. And let me tell you, James 

27 



Quirke, that I would sooner starve and see every- 
one belonging to me starve than to eat the size 
of a thimble of any joint that was ever on your 
rack, or that ever will be on it, whatever the sol- 
diers may eat that have no other thing to get, or 
the English that devour all sorts, or the poor, 
ravenous people that's down by the sea! {She 
turns to go into shop.) 

Mr. Quirk]e: (stopping her). Don't be talking 
foolishness, woman. Who said you took the 
meat ? Give heed to me now. There must some 
other message have come. The Sergeant must 
have got some other message. 

Mrs. DKI.ANE (sulkily). If there is any way 
for a message to come that is quicker than to 
come by the wires, tell me what it is, and FH 
be obliged to you. 

Mr. Quirke:. The Sergeant was up here mak- 
ing an excuse he was sticking up that notice. 
What was he doing here, I ask you ? 

Mrs. De^IvANE. How would I know what 
brought him? 

Mr. Quirke. It is what he did, he made as 
if to go away — he turned back again and I shav- 
ing myself — he brought away the sheep — he will 
have it for evidence against me 

28 



Mrs. DeIvANE (interested). That might be so. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I would sooner it to have been 
any other beast nearly I ever had upon the rack. 

Mrs. Dei^ane:. Is that so? 

Mr. QuiRKE. I bade the widow Early to kill 
it a fortnight ago — ^but she would not, she was 
that covetous ! 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. What was on it ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. How would I know what was 
on it? Whatever was on it, it was the will of 
God put it on it — wasting it was and shiver- 
ing /N^^-*'^'^*-'*^^ 

Mrs. DeIvANE. The poor thing. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Gone all to nothing — wore away 
like a flock of thread. It did not weigh as much 
as a lamb of two months. 

Mrs. Delane. It is likely the Inspector will 
bring it to Dublin. 

Mr. QuiRKE. The ribs of it streaky with the 
dint of patent medicines 

Mrs. DelanE. I wonder is it to the Petty Ses- 
sions you'll be brought or is it to the Assizes ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. I'll speak up to them. Til make 
my defense. What can the Army expect at 
fi-pence a pound. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. It is likely there will be no bail 
allowed. 

29 



Mr. QuiRKE. Would they be wanting me to 
give them good quaHty meat out of my own 
pocket? Is it to encourage them to fight the 
poor Africans they would have me? It's the 
Anti-Enlisting Societies ought to pay the fine 
for me. 

Mrs. DeIvANe:. It's not a fine will be put on 
you, Fm afraid. It's a five years in jail you will 
be apt to be getting. Well, Til try to be a good 
neighbor to poor Mrs. Quirke. 

(Mr. Quirke, who has been stamping up and 
down, sits down and weeps. Fardy and Hya- 
cinth come in and stand on one side.) 

Mr. Quirke. Hadn't I heart-scalding enough 
before striving to rear five weak children. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I suppose they will be sent to 
the industrial schools 

Mr. Quirke. My poor wife 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Tm afraid the workhouse 



Mr. Quirke. And she out in an ass-car at this 
minute helping me to follow my trade. 

Mrs. DelanE. I hope they will not arrest her 
along with you. 

Mr. Quirke. Til give myself up to justice. 
I'll plead guilty ! Til be recommended to mercy I 

Mrs. DeIvANE. It might be best for you. 

30 



1^ 



.f-^ 



Mr. QuiRKE. Who would think so great a 
misfortune could come upon a family through 
the bringing away of one sheep? 

Hyacinth (coming forward). Let you make 
yourself easy. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Easy! It's easy to say make 
yourself easy. 

Hyacinth. I can tell you where it is 

Mr. QuiRKE. Where was it ? 

Hyacinth. The sheep that you are freeting 
after 

Mr. QuiRKE. What do you know about it ? 

Hyacinth. I — I know everything about it. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I suppose the Sergeant told you ? 

Hyacinth. He told me nothing. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I suppose the whole town knows 
it so. 

Hyacinth. No one knows it, as yet. 

Mr. QuiRKE. And the Sergeant didn't see it? 

Hyacinth. No one saw it or brought it away 
but myself. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Where did you put it at all ? 

Hyacinth. In the ditch behind the church 
wall. In among the nettles it is. Look at the 
way they have me stung. (Holds out hands,) 

Mr. QuiRKE. In the ditch! The best hiding 
place in the town. 

31 



Hyacinth. I never thought it would bring 
such great trouble upon you. You can't say, 
anyway, I did not tell you. 

Mr. QuiRK]^. You yourself that brought it 
away and that hid it! I suppose it was coming 
in the train you got information about the mess- 
age to the police? 

Hyacinth. What now do you say to me? 

Mr. Quirked. Say ! I say I am as glad to hear 
what you said as if it was the Lord telling me 
I'd be in heaven this minute. 

Hyacinth. What are you going to do to me? 

Mr. QuiRKK. Do is it. (Takes his hands,) 
Any earthly thing you would wish me to I will 
do it. 

Hyacinth. I suppose you will tell 

Mr. QuiRKE. Tell! It's I that will tell when 
all is quiet. It is I will give you the good name 
through the town ! 

Hyacinth. I don't well understand 

Mr. QuiRKE {embracing him). The man that 
preserved me! 

Hyacinth. That preserved you? 

Mr. QuiRKE. That kept me from ruin! 

Hyacinth. From ruin! 

Mr. QuiRKE. That saved me from disgrace! 

32 



Hyacinth {to Mrs, Delane), What is he say- 
ing at all? 

Mr. QuiRKE. From the Inspector ! 
Hyacinth. What is he talking about? 
Mr. QuiRKE. From the magistrates! 

Hyacinth. He is making some mistake 

Mr. QuiRKE. From the Winter assizes 

Hyacinth. Is he out of his wits? 

Mr. QuiRKE. Five years in jail 

Hyacinth. Hasn't he the queer talk? 
Mr. QuiRKE. The loss of the contract- 



Hyacinth. Are my own wits gone astray ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. What way can I repay you? 

Hyacinth (shouting), I tell you I took the 
sheep 

Mr. QuiRKE. You did, God reward you! 

Hyacinth. I stole away with it— — 

Mr. QuiRKE. The blessing of the poor on you ! 

Hyacinth. I put it out of sight 

Mr. QuiRKE. The blessing of my five chil- 
dren 

Hyacinth. I may as well say nothing 



Mrs. Delane. Let you be quiet now, Quirke, 
Here's the Sergeant coming to search the shop. 
{Sergeant comes in. Quirke leaves go of Hya- 
cinth, who arranges his hat, etc) 

33 



Serge^ant. This is a great annoyance now 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Indeed, Sergeant, I was sure it 
would annoy you. 

Sergeant. To get such a message 

Mrs. Delane. No one would like to be made 
come between a man and his business. 

Sergeant. I was not expecting it at all 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. There must be a great deal of 
spiteful people going about 

Sergeant. What! Just when I was getting 
all ready for the meeting 

Mrs. Delane. Sure, all of us that's under 
the government must obey orders. 

Sergeant. Its whole success depending upon 
me — I shall be ridiculed if it fails 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Well, there is no man can do 
more than his best 

Sergeant. The Department is great with the 
Castle. It may go against me if it fails 

Mrs. Delane. a great shame, indeed for 
traitors and schemers to be making such trouble. 

Sergeant. Now, I must make a search 

Mrs. Delane. I suppose so. 

Sergeant. It is a great worry — you could 
have knocked me over with a bulrush when I 
heard it 

34 






Mrs. Delano. Indeed, you are a very feeling 
man. 

Sergi^ant. To go to the train. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I knew it was there you were 
going 

Sergeant. To go there and to be on the plat- 
form waiting for the lecturer, then to get a mes- 
sage — a mere message through the guard that 
he was delayed in the south and could not be 
here for the meeting. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. The lecturer, is it? 

Sergeant. To be sure. What else would I be 
talking of? The lecturer has failed me and 
where am I to go looking for a person that I 
would think fitting to take his place ? 

Mrs. Delane. And that's all? And you 
didn't get any message but the one? 

Sergeant. Is that all? I am surprised at you, 
Mrs. Delane. Isn't it enough to upset a man 
within three-quarters of an hour of the time of 
the meeting? Where, I would ask you, am I to 
find a man that has education enough and wit 
enough and character enough to put up speaking 
on the platform on the minute? 

Mr. QuiRKE (jumps up). It is I myself will 
tell vou that. 



35 



Sergeant. You! 

Mr. Quirke {slapping Hyacinth on the back). 
Look at here, Sergeant. There is not one word 
was said in all those papers about this young 
man before you but it is true. And there could 
be no good thing said of him that would be too 
good for him. 

Sergeant. It might not be a bad idea. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Whatever the papers said about 
him, Sergeant, I can say more again. It has 
come to my knowledge by chance that since he 
came to this town that young man has saved a 
whole family from destruction. 

Sergeant. That is much to his credit — help- 
ing the rural classes 

Mr. QuiRKE. A family and a long family, big 
and little, like sods of turf — and they depending 
on a — on one that might be on his way to dark 
trouble at this minute if it was not for his as- 
sistance. Believe me, he is the most sensible 
man, and the wittiest, and the kindest and the 
best helper of the poor that ever stood before 
you in this square. Is not that so, Mrs. Delane? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. It is true, indeed. Where he 
gets his wisdom and his wit and his information 
from I don't know, unless it might be that he is 
gifted from above. 

36 



.& 



Sergeant. Well, Mrs. Delane, I think we 
have settled that question. Mr. Halvey will be 
the speaker at the meeting. The lecturer sent 
these notes — you can lengthen them into a speech. 
You can call to the people of Cloon to stand out, 
to begin the building of their character. I saw a 
lecturer do it one time at Dundrum. 'Come up 
here,' he said, 'Dare to be a Daniel,' he said 

Hyacinth. I can't — I won't 

Sergeant (looking at papers and thrusting 
them into his hand). You will find it quite easy. 
I will conduct you to the platform — these papers 
before you and a glass of water — that's settled. 
{Turns to go.) Follow me on to the Courthouse 
in half an hour — I must go to the barracks first — 

I heard there was a telegram (Calls back 

as he goes.) Don't be late, Mrs. Delane. Mind, 
Quirke, you promised to come. (Goes out,) 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Well, it's time for me to make 
an end of settling myself — and indeed, Mr. 
Quirke, you'd best do the same. 

Mr. Quirke (rubbing his cheek), I suppose 
so. I had best keep on good terms with him for 
the present. (Turns.) Well, now, I had a 
great escape this day. (Both go in as Pardy re- 
appears whistling.) 

37 



Hyacinth (sitting down). I don't know in 
the world what has come upon the world that 
the half of the people of it should be cracked ! 

Fardy. Weren't you found out yet? 

Hyacinth. Found out, is it? I don't know 
what you mean by being found out. 

Fardy. Didn't he miss the sheep ? 

Hyacinth. He did, and I told him it was I 
took it — and what happened I declare to good- 
ness I don't know. Will you look at these {holds 
out notes) . 

Fardy. Papers ! Are they more testimonials ? 

Hyacinth. They are what is worse. {Gives 
a hoarse laugh.) Will you come and see me on 
the platform — these in my hand — and I speak- 
ing — giving out advice. {Fardy whistles.) Why 
didn't you tell me, the time you advised me to 
steal a sheep, that in this town it would qualify 
a man to go preaching and the priest in the chair 
looking on? 

Fardy. The time I took a few apples that had 
fallen off of a stall, they did not ask me to hold 
a meeting. They welted me well. 

Hyacinth {looking around). I would take 
apples if I could see them. I wish I was drowned 
before I left Carrow and I'd be better off! I 



?8 



wish I had got six months the time I was caught 
setting snares — I wish I had robbed a church. 

Fardy. Would a Protestant Church do? 

Hyacinth. I suppose it wouldn't be so great 
a sin. 

Fardy. It's likely the Sergeant would think 
worse of it. Anyway, if you want to rob one, it's 
the Protestant church is the handiest. 

Hyacinth (getting up). Show me where it is. 

Fardy {pointing). I was going around it a 
few minutes ago, to see might there be e'er a dog 
scenting the sheep, and I noticed the window 
being out. 

Hyacinth. Out, out and out? 

Fardy. It was, where^ they are putting colored 
glass in it for the distiller 

Hyacinth. What good does that do me? 

Fardy. Every good. You could go in by 
that window if you had some person to give you 
a hoist. Whatever riches there is to get in it 
then, you'll get them. 

Hyacinth. I don't want riches. I'll give you 
all I will find if you will come and hoist me. 

Fardy. Here is Miss Joyce coming to bring 
you to your lodging. Sure, I brought your bag 
to it, the time you were away with the sheep 

39 



Hyacinth. Run! Run! {They go off. Bn- 
ter Miss Joyce,) 

Miss JoYCi^. Are you here, Mrs. Delane? 
Where, can you tell me, is Mr. Halvey? 

Mrs. De:i.ane (coming out dressed). It's 
likely he is gone on to the Courthouse. Did 
you hear he is to be in the chair and to make 
an address to the meeting? 

Miss JoYCK. He is getting on fast. His rev- 
erence says he will be a good help at the meeting. 
Who would think now, there would be such a 
godly young man in a little place like Carrow! 
(Enter Sergeant in a hurry, with telegram.) 

Serge^ant. What time did this telegram ar- 
rive, Mrs. Delane? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. I couldn't be rightly sure, 
Sergeant. But sure it's marked on it, unless the 
clock I have is gone wrong. 

Sergeant. It is marked on it. And I have the 
time I got it marked on my own watch. 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Well, now, I wonder none of 
the police would have followed you with it from 
the barracks — and they with so little to do 

Sergeant, (looking in at Quirke's shop). 
Well, I am sorry to do what I have to do, but 
duty is duty. (He ransacks shop. Mrs. Deicme 

40 



looks on, Mr, Quirke puts his head out of win- 
dow.) 

Mr. Quirke. What is that going on inside? 
(No answer.) Is there anyone inside, I ask? 
(N'o answer,) It must be that dog of Tannian's 
— wait till I get at him. 

Mrs. Delane. It is Sergeant Garden, Mr. 
Quirke. He would seem to be looking for 
something. (Mr, Quirke appears in shop. 
Sergeant comes out, makes another dive, taking 
up sacks, etc) 

Mr. Quirke. Tm greatly afraid I am just out 
of meat, Sergeant — and I'm sorry now to dis- 
oblige you, and you not being in the habit of 
dealing with me 

Sergeant. I should think not indeed. 

Mr. Quirke. Looking for a tender little bit 
of lamb, I suppose you are, for Mrs. Garden and 
the youngsters? 

Sergeant. I am not. 

Mr. Quirke. If I had it now, I'd be proud to 
offer it to you, and make no charge. I'll be kill- 
ing a good kid to-morrow. Mrs. Garden might 
fancy a bit of it 

Sergeant. I have had orders to search your 

41 



establishment for unwholesome meat, and I am 
come here to do it. 

Mr. QuiRKE {sitting down with a smile). Is 
that so? Well, isn't it a wonder the schemers 
does be in the world. 

Sergeant. It is not the first time there have 
been complaints. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I suppose not. Well, it is on 
their own head it will fall at the last! 

Sergeant. I have found nothing so far. 

Mr. QuiRKE. I suppose not indeed. What is 
there you could find, and it not in it ? 

Sergeant. Have you no meat at all upon the 
premises ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. I have, indeed, a nice barrel of 
bacon. 

Sergeant. What way did it die? 

Mr. QuiRKE. It would be hard for me to say 
that. American it is. How would I know what 
way they do be killing the pigs out there? Ma- 
chinery, I suppose they have — steam ham- 
mers 

Sergeant. Is there nothing else here at all ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. I give you my word, there is no 
meat, living or dead, in this place, but yourself 
and myself and that bird above in the cage. 

42 



Sergeant. Well, I must tell the Inspector I 
could find nothing. But mind yourself for the 
future. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Thank you, Sergeant. I will do 
that. {Enter Fardy. He stops short,) ^ 

Sergeant. It was you delayed that message to 
me, I suppose. You'd better mend your ways or 
I'll have something to say to you. (Takes and 
shakes him.) 

Fardy. That's the way everyone does be fault- 
ing me. (Whimpers, The Sergeant gives him 
another shake. A half crown falls out of his 
pocket.) 

Miss Joyce (picking it up). A half a crown! 
Where now did you get that much, Fardy ? 

Fardy. Where did I get it, is it ? 

Miss Joyce. TU engage it was in no honest 
way you got it. 

Fardy. I picked it up in the street 

Miss Joyce. If you did, why didn't you bring 
it to the Sergeant or to his reverence? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. And some poor person, maybe, 
being at the loss of it. 

Miss Joyce. I'd best bring it to his reverence. 
Come with me, Fardy, till he will question you 
about it. 

43 



Fardy. It was not altogether in the street I 
found it 

Miss Joyce. There now ! I knew you got it in 
no good way ! Tell me now. 

Fardy. It was playing pitch and toss I won 
it 

Miss Joyce. And who would play for half 
crowns with the like of you, Fardy Farrell? 
Who was it now? 

Fardy. It was — a stranger 

Miss Joyce. Do you hear that? A stranger! 
Did you see e'er a stranger in this town, Mrs. 
Delane, or Sergeant Garden, or Mr. Quirke ? 

Mr. Quirke. Not a one. 

Sergeant. There was no stranger here. 

Mrs. Delane. There could not be one here 
without me knowing it. 

Fardy. I tell you there was 

Miss Joyce. Come on, then, and tell who was 
he to his reverence. 

Sergeant (taking other arm). Or to the 
bench. 

Fardy. I did get it, I tell you, from a stranger. 

Sergeant. Where is he so ? * 

Fardy. He's in some place — not far away. 

Sergeant. Bring me to him. 

44 



Fardy. He'll be coming here. 

Sergeant. Tell me the truth and it will be 
better for you. 

Fardy (weeping). Let me go and I will. 

Se:rge:ant (letting go). Now — who did you 
get it from? 

Fardy. From the young chap came to-day — 
Mr. Halvey. 

Aivi.. Mr. Halvey! 

Mr. QuirkE (indignantly). What are you 
saying, you young ruffian you. Hyacinth Hal- 
vey to be playing pitch and toss with the like 
of you! 

Fardy. I didn't say that. 

Miss Joyces. You did say it. You said it now. 

Mr. Qxjirke:. Hyacinth Halvey! The best 
man that ever came into this town! 

Miss Joyce. Well, what lies he has ! 

Mr. QuiRKE. It's my belief the half crown is 
a bad one. Maybe it's to pass it off it was given 
to him. There were tinkers in the town at the 
time of the fair. Give it here to me. (Bites it.) 
No, indeed, it's sound enough. Here, Sergeant, 
it's best for you to take it. ( Gives it to Sergecmtj 
who examines it.) 

Sergeant. It is so. It is so. 

45 



Mr. Quirked. What is it ? I thought it to be a 
good one. 

Serge:anT. It is. It is. I know it. I know 
this half crown. 

Mr. Quirked. That is a queer thing now. 

Se^rge^anT : I know it well. I have been hand- 
ing it round for the last twelve month 

Mr. QuiRKE. Is that so? 

Serge^ant. It is the nest-egg half crown we 
hand round in the poor box every Sunday morn- 
ing. I know it by the dint on the queen's temples 
and the crooked scratch under her nose. 

Mr. Quirked (examining it). So there is, too. 

Serge^ant. This is a bad business. It has 
been stolen from the church! 

Ai.1.. O! O! O! 

Sergeant (seising Fardy). You have robbed 
the church! 

Fardy (terrified). I tell you I never did! 

Sergeant. I have the proof of it. 

Fardy. Say what you like! I never put a 
foot in it! 

Sergeant. How did you get this so? 

Miss Joyce. I suppose from the stranger. 

Mr. Quirke. I suppose it was Hyacinth Hal- 
vey gave it to you now. 

46 



Fardy. It was so. 

Sergeant. I suppose it was he robbed the 
church. 

Fardy (sobs). You will not believe me if I 
say it. 

Mr. Q'uiRKE. O! the young vagabond! Let 
me get at him ! 

Mrs. Delane. Here he is himself, now! 
(Hyacinth comes in. Fardy releases himself and 
creeps behind him.) 

Mrs. DelanE. It is time you to come, Mr. 
Halvey, and shut the mouth of this young 
schemer. 

Miss Joyce. I would like you to hear what he 
says of you, Mr. Halvey. Pitch and toss, he says. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Robbery he says. 

Mrs. DelanE. Robbery of a church ! 

Sergeant. He has had a bad name long 
enough. Let him go to a reformatory now. 

Fardy (clinging to Hyacinth). Save me, save 
me ! I'm a poor boy trying to knock out a way 
of living, ril be destroyed if I go to a reform- 
atory. (Kneels and clings to Hyacinth's knees.) 

Hyacinth. Til save you easy enough. 

Fardy. Don't let me be jailed. 

Hyacinth. I am going to tell them. 

47 



Fardy. I'm a poor orphan- 



Hyacinth. Will you let me speak? 

Fardy. I'll get no more chance in the 
world 

Hyacinth. Sure, Fm trying to free you 

Fardy. It will be tasked to me always. 

Hyacinth. Be quiet, can't you ? 

Fardy. Don't you desert me! 

Hyacinth. Will you be silent ! 

Fardy. Take it on yourself. 

Hyacinth. I will if you'll let me. 

Fardy. Tell them you did it. 

Hyacinth. I am going to do that 

Fardy. Tell them it was you got in at the 
window. 

Hyacinth. I will, I will! 

Fardy. Say it was you robbed the box. 

Hyacinth. I'll say it, I'll say it. 

Fardy. It being open ! 

Hyacinth. Let me tell, let me tell. 

Fardy. Of all that was in it. 

Hyacinth. I'll tell them that. 

Fardy. And gave it to me. 

Hyacinth (putting hand on his mouth and 
dragging him up). Will you stop and let me 
speak ? 

48 



II 



Sergeant. We can't be wasting time. Give 
him here to me. 

Hyacinth. I can't do that. He must be let 
alone. 

Sergeant {seizing him). He'll be let alone 
in the lockup. 

Hyacinth. He must not be brought there. 

Sergeant. I'll let no man get him off. 

Hyacinth. I will gtt him off. 

Sergeant. You will not! 

Hyacinth. I will! 

Sergeant. Do you think to buy him off? 

Hyacinth. I will buy him off with my own 
confession. 

Sergeant. And what will that be? 

Hyacinth. It was I robbed the church. 

Sergeant. That is likely indeed. 

Hyacinth. Let him go and take me. I tell 
you I did it. 

Sergeant. It would take witnesses to prove 
that. 

Hyacinth {pointing to Fardy). He will be 
witness. 

Fardy. O, Mr. Halvey, I would not wish to 
do that. Get me off and I will say nothing. 

Hyacinth. Sure you must. You will be put 
on oath in the court. 

49 



Fardy. I will not! I will not! All the world 
knows I don't understand the nature of an oath. 

Mr. QuiRKE (coming forward). Is it blind 
ye all are ? 

Mrs. DeIvANE. What are you talking about ? 

Mr. QuiRKE. Is it fools ye all are ? 

Miss Joyce. Speak for yourself. 

Mr. QuiRKE. Is it i-diots ye all are ? 

Sergeant. Mind who you're talking to. 

Mr. QuiRKE (seising Hyacinth's hands). 
Can't you see? Can't you hear? Where are 
your wits? Was ever such a thing seen in this 
town? 

Mrs. DEI.ANE. Say out what you have to say. 

Mr. QuiRKE. A walking saint he is. 

Mrs. DeIvANE. Maybe so. 

Mr. QuiRKE. The preserver of the poor ! Talk 
of the holy martyrs ! They are nothing at all to 
what he is! Will you look at him! To save 
that poor boy he is going! To take the blame 
on himself he is going! To say he himself did 
the robbery he is going! Before the magistrate 
he is going! To gaol he is going! Taking the 
blame on his own head ! Putting the sin on his 
own shoulders ! Letting on to have done a rob- 
bery. Telling a lie — that it may be forgiven 

50 



him — to his own injury! Doing all that I tell 
you to save the character of a miserable slack 
lad that was reared in poverty. (Murmur of 
admiration from all.) 

Mr. Quirke:. Now, what do you say ? 

Sergeant (pressing his hand), Mr. Halvey, 
you have given us all a lesson. To please you, 
I will make no information against the boy. 
(Shakes him and lifts him up.) I will put back 
the half crown in the poor box next Sunday. 
(To Fardy) What have you to say to your 
benefactor ? 

Fardy. Fm obliged to you, Mr. Halvey. You 
behaved very decent to me, very decent, indeed, 
ril never let a word be said against you if I 
live to a hundred years. 

Sergeant (imping eyes with a blue handker- 
chief). I will tell it at the meeting. It will 
be a great encouragement to them to build up 
their character. Til say to the priest and he 
taking the chair 

Hyacinth. O, stop, will you 



Mr. QuiRKE. The chair. Ifs in the chaiivhe 
himself should be. It's in a chair we will put 
him now. It's to chair him through the streets 
we will. Sure he'll be an example and a bless- 

51 



ing to the whole of the town. {Seizes Hyacinth 
and seats him in chair,) Now, Sergeant, give 
a hand. Here, Fardy. {They all lift the chair 
with Hyacinth in it, wildly protesting,) 

Mr. QuiRKi:. Come along now to the Court- 
house. Three cheers for Hyacinth Halvey. 
Hip! hip! hoora. {Cheers heard in the distance 
as the curtain drops,) 

Curtain 



(U9084) 



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LB Mr "07 



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